Ali has been breastfeeding using a nipple shield since she was born. the first or second time she tried to latch on one of the nurses went and got one and told me to use it with her. When we met with the lactation consultant before leaving the hospital she said we should discontinue it’s use within the first week. The first week came…and went. The nipple shield firmly sandwiched between my boob and the baby’s mouth. Every feed I told myself I’d try her without it on the next one. It seemed so cruel to mess with a hungry newborn if she was doing fine. I researched long term effects of just saying "F*$% it" and nursing with the device. They weren’t much, mostly the possibility of a lowered milk supply but I didn’t have a problem with that. I tried sometimes to get Ali to nurse au naturel but no luck.

And then yesterday. I have no idea what changed but all day yesterday, last night, and today she’s been nursing fine on the boob alone! It’s kind of a relief, for a long time that was what I’d failed to do "right" as a mom. Also, it’s so much cleaner! No more little cup-thing filled with milk to spill all over me when she’s done. No more hunting for the device in the middle of the night. No more worrying about leaving the house without it and being stranded with a hungry baby. No more embarrassment when nursing in front of people. On the other hand, it’s as if she’s two days old again, as far as sore nipples in concerned. The next few days will be painful, but in a good way. Tony and I are SO PROUD of Ali. I don’t know how she did it…the difference between the shield and the real thing is immense and we’d basically given up. She’s such a little troooper.

Right now Tony and Ali are watching the Iowa vs. Penn State game. Go Hawkeyes! Ali is wearing her Hawkeye hat from her Grandpa and Grandma Carroll, and aunties Martha and Georgia. And yes, she’s soooo tired in this pic and is now sleeping in her daddy’s arms.

Ali took her first bottle Friday night from Tony. She ate (drank?) four or so ounces! I guess I don’t really know what she gets from me, but that seemed like a ton. She’s also turned into quite the little runner. Okay, not really. But she looks so cute in the "exercise outfit" Tony put her in while I walked with her in the Snugli.

This is my first pumped bottle! It took me about 24 hours, but I am, like, unusually proud of it. Why? Because, to me, this represents freedom and flexibility. Two very exciting words for me at the moment! Of course, the next hurdle is seeing if Ali will take a bottle but tackling the pumping issuea was obviously the first step. I didn’t have a pump until she was about a month old and when I tried pumping I got nothing. Now, this may be weird, but I can’t feel when my milk lets down. Which is good (because some people say it’s painful) but bad because I could tell, when pumping, if I was out of milk, or if I hadn’t let down. Since then my supply has been really consistent and I worried that if I pumped I’d run out and there wouldn’t be any when Ali was hungry. Yesterday I finally bit the bullet and decided to pump, nurse, or both every two hours to get my supply up so I can pump more (or at all). Now that I have a back-up bottle the whole thing seems so much easier. If I pump and there’s none left for Ali, there is something to feed her.  

I’ll admit it’s uncomfortable, at times even painful, to breastfeed. It’s also natural, good for both baby and mother, and, in my experience, extremely fulfilling and amazing. This is nutrition in it’s simplest form, something many Americans (myself so, so included) could stand to see and understand. Witnessing the phenomenon, day in and day out, is eye-opening enough, but to be the "feeder?"

It’s hard, even now, to wrap my head around the idea that this little being needs me, and me alone, to eat. And not just today, or yesterday, or tomorrow. Every day. All day long. And, sometimes, most of the night. While I struggle to understand the concept, I’ve succeeded in integrating the actions. Leaving the house without nursing first is not an option. At least not a smart or pleasant one. Sometimes ten minutes, or five, or even two is too long for a baby to wait. They want milk now and whatever I want to finish up really doesn’t matter. I even find myself incorporating nursing into my dreams!

Pregnancy was a trip….a trying and wonderful experience. Of course it was obvious something was happening, but it was nothing compared to breastfeeding. Having to stop everything, notice and nurture the needs of a helpless baby is an opportunity I would not trade for the world.

I’m breaking that whole "sleep while your baby is sleeping rule." I’m finding that a hard one to follow at times. More on that at a later date. I also hope to write a bit about labor and Ali’s birth. I guess when I get a chance. Until then, stay tuned. Also, thank you so much, to everyone, for all your supprt, words of encouragment, congratulations, exclamations (she is the cutest!), and general contact. So many of you live far away and it helps us immensely to feel connected.

On a side note: we had our first doctor’s appointment yesterday. We’ve decided to use the family practitioner Tony began seeing this year. The appointment went well and was pretty routine. We hovered and attempted comforting like the nervous newbies we are. Ali’s doing great, she weighed in at 6lbs. 15oz. Only three ounces less than her birth weight, so not much ground to make up at this point. My milk has been coming in over the last few days, and has not been anywhere near as bad as anticipated. Mostly I just feel like I got a couple bean bags, or rocks, or something strapped to the front of me. Breastfeeding is another topic I hope to touch on more soon.

So without further adieu, here are some photos of Ali coming home from the hospital. The non-bobblehead editions.