Rockaway has a strange relationship with cloud banks. It seems they love us, and like to hang out all day. Then dissapate 6-8pm. Just in time for sunset/bedtime. Or, at the very least, the point of no return when the day has already been written off. The most frustrating thing is a mere mile or two away is sunny, warm, and gorgeous.
Tomorrow we better get some of this sun!
So today we spent some time cleaning/organizing the house. Something I’ve kind of tackled with my newfound time and freedom (new schedule = LOVE IT!). Like, unpacking boxes from our move nearly a year ago. Or clearing the table we haven’t seen the top of in months at least. Tony has been working on reorganizing our "office." And I’ve been finally filling some of the empty photo frames I’ve been meaning to do forever. We’re finding a need to change things up as Ali is growing more and more. Provide different spaces for her with the option for less supervision.
And that’s about all I’ve got right now. I spent a few days very, very engorged. To the point that I was getting clogged ducts but I think my supply may have adjusted to our three briefs feedings a day and I am very grateful.
Ali dressed for the Hawkeye game…and then wanted the bandana on when she was helping fold laundry. It’s better than the underwear she usually like to wear around her neck as if a necklace.
I put a bunch of pictures into an album for her, since she was so enamored with one that Billie had, and she is now obsessed with it.
Going for a drive in Fred Meyer.
We had to go to Garibaldi to get some sun.
Walking even in the sand!
Terrifed of the "men" behind her- she probably thinks they’ll try to hold her!
Ali stayed in her crib the whole night. From 7pm to about 7:30am. Now, she did not sleep through the night, she woke up crying many times (thus, neither did we sleep through the night) but each time put herself back to sleep. And this morning she seems like such a happy little camper. I think this could be the most proud of her I’ve ever been.
What this also means: NO NURSING ALL NIGHT. Yesterday and the day before I’ve drastically cut down on her nursing. Tuesday she nursed in the morning as usual (I drift in and out of sleep and she bops around her room playing/wrecking havoc and comes back to snuggle with me and nurse multiple times), then again at 11am, then at noon before her nap. Then, not until bedtime. And she slept in her crib until 5:15am, at which point me and my aching boobs crawled into bed with her. Yesterday, she nursed only in the morning, before nap, and at bed.
I’ve been struggling with the weaning issue for awhile. Some days I’m really over breastfeeding a toddler (especially with her demanding milk via baby sign hourly of more) others I’m not ready to give up my baby. This feels like a very good compromise. I can’t wait for tomorrow night!
Also, starting in a few weeks I’ll be taking a classe a Tillamook Bay Community College Monday nights from 5:30-9:20. Add on driving and I’ll be gone about 5pm-10pm. This newest development makes me feel much better.
Lastly, while not running yet, this child is very cautiously walking around the entire house. She getting big so fast!
Ali woke up at 11:30 for the SIXTH time since going to sleep at 7:30pm. I decided to try giving her some warm [cow's] milk tonight with a bit of rice cereal in it. Nothing. She got one taste and then spit it out and wouldn’t open her mouth again. Her typical reaction to the milk I’ve been trying to get her to drink since she turned one.
She is now screaming and has been awake for 30 minutes now. A lot of time she falls asleep and lays down with no problem, sometimes she needs her back rubbed or something for awhile, but other times you CAN NOT LEAVE. She will "sleep" until touch ceases and then stir, open her eyes, stare quizzically, and scream. It’s easier to just stay. For five, ten, thirty minutes. But it defeats the purpose. I’m so sick of spending what it supposed to be my OFF THE CLOCK time standing over a crib.
Ugh, so frustrating. I don’t know what we’re going to do. Right now we just keep trying different things. I’m trying to nurse less when she wakes up and other than that? What? Why would a baby (kid?) need to wake up six times in four hours? Of course that it not normal, even for her, but she NEVER sleeps more than three or so hours. And there’s only so much energy. Like, between Tony and I. We’ve been going to bed 1-2 hours later than normal lately, just dealing with all the wake-ups. Making it only that much harder to summon the strength to get her back to bed in the middle of the night. Last night was much like this where after some time she wouldn’t fall back asleep and I just took her to our bed. It was miserable that way too.
This was much easier just to kind of ignore and get in bed with her. Much easier.
I get to the point where I don’t mindmuch if she wants to scream ’til she’s hoarse in there. She has to wear herself out eventually right? But somehow that seems cruel. And also someone else usually steps in at that point…
At this point it seems like forever ago, but just afew short weeks ago we were at my parents’ house. We got there on July 16th (I know because the reason for our visit was my getting a wisdom tooth pulled). When we left their house for my appt. we noticed a flatter than flat tire. Lame. Luckily Trista let us take her car, which had just gotten out of the shop the day before. Sometimes luck follows lack of luck.
The tooth removal was fine, I was done 45 minutes after walking in the door. Was sore for a few days, but they give you the good medicine and oneof could supposedly breastfeed with so I survived. Although I did spend a few days fighting nausea while on it.
The first night we were there Ali opened a bunch of presents from my parents and siblings. Jordan got her this Elmo house which she loved (and is still loving- she now scampers into it to hide out everytime a diaper is brought out) but kept knocking over in her attempt to hug and kiss Elmo.
Saturday (we were there from Wed-Mon) we went to the zoo. I don’t think I’ve been there much on weekends before. Especially not summer weekends. Actually I haven’t been to the zoo at all in five years at least. Much had changed and it was pretty crowded. Reminder to do as my mom did when we were kids and go on in-service days. Ali was kind of cranky and much more interested in the other kids than the animals but we had a good time.
Real-life baby bear!
She was into these fish…
…until this little guy showed up.
Before she took a stroller nap.
On the way home.
Saturday evening we had a BBQ. That turned into a birthday BBQ. But began as me asking my dad to BBQ for dinner sometime when we’re there. Because he usually works swing shift this was a number of months in the coming. First we invited my Grandma, then Jordan and Becky, then Gabby and Trista’s new boy Tyler. Although at that point I don’t think they were offical yet. Anyway…
Since we spent two weeks away from home (we returned at the beginning of April) I have spent all but three nights sleeping on the trundle in Ali’s room. With Ali. The first time we reverted back to our old way was the night of Mother’s Day when Ali was really sick. And then the two nights Billie was here a few weeks ago. Two nights in a row Tony slept on the regular (non-trundle) bed with us, but not last night. He was feeling left out so I told him he was welcome anytime.
On one hand, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
On the other…because of the alcove-ness of the trundle with the dresser pulled up next to it the bed is PERFECT for [all]night breastfeeding. The pillows works just right, and the bed is low enough to the floor that I don’t have to worry about Ali falling. If I remember to close the door when I come in (usually between eleven and twelve-thirty) then she can even crawl out in the morning and do whatever while I drift. So, it actually works quite well. And yet, I feel as if this is somehow taking steps backward? I don’t know. Like everything else, there are always pros and cons.
The biting was much, much better today. Thanks for all the advice thus far and do keep it coming! We read in What To Expect the First Year to just say no, calmly and take her off, look her in the face and say it hurts mommy, etc. I usually give her one chance and then take her off on the second time. She nurses without incident a few times today and got "removed" probably three times. Which is easier said than done because then she hangs around me all whiny wanting to be held and if I hold her she digs her face into my chest of lifts up/pulls down my shirt. Ah, the joys of breastfeeding an older baby! Anyway, it’s progress and I am VERY pleased with that.
Ali is starting to have a big biting problem. And it’s when she nurses. So that means it’s really MY big biting problem. except for maybe once today the boob has been put away every time because she is biting. And not once. I give her a bunch of tries. She usually starts but just kind of biting down and then I say NO, and/or grab her arm or something and she’ll usually let go. And then it’s suck, suck, bite, suck, sick, bite. Each time getting harder. It’s as the point where she seems to think it’s some kind of game? She smiles and nearly giggles when I kind-of-but-not-really yell. I’ll even smack her on the butt or lightly on the cheek and she doesn’t care. Eventually she’ll CLAMP down and then I YELL and/or hit to get her to just let go. And the boob goes away.
The afternoon when we were leaving the park I went to nurse her (b/c she barely ate any lunch or breakfast) she did the same thing and then got my arm instead. Bit me so hard there are still red, raised areas in the shape of her teeth. SO GLAD it was my arm!!!
I thought before bed she would leave it be, but nope. sucked just enough to get my milk to let down and then I had to get her off. Meanwhile I was squirting all over both of us after nearly a whole day without nursing (I hadn’t pumped since we got back from our two weeks away at the beginning of April! But got about 3oz. after I left her screaming in bed).
I don’t know what to do. In the moment all I want is to get her off. And it makes me so nervous and jumpy even when she’s being good. talk about taking the joy right out of the experience. I may have to track down one of my old nipple shields but who knows if she’d even take it and I REALLY don’t want to have to deal with those again. It’s so frustrating. I’m even wondering if this is some sort of self-weaning?
I have not been blogging. As you may have noticed. For a variety of reasons.
I am currently spending way to much time READING a blog. I’m consumed.
Ali is sick again. On the mend I think but that runny nose was struggling her real bad for awhile. She even had her first throw up a couple nights ago. Though it could have been a glorified spit up? I think it was because I had her sleeping kind of upright to drain some of the nasties and she coughed and coughed and then barfed warm stuff all over me. Whatever…I was glad to was at least out of her little airway!
I also think she’s teething again. Or still maybe. She been biting me a lot. And the coffee table.
I cannot handle the still wintery weather now that it is almost JUNE. It is NOT FAIR that we have had, like, no spring. NW winters are dark, dreary, and tolling enough. Lasting almost two months- or more!- longer than they should is driving me batty.
I get headaches everyday. I blame the CONSTANT INCESSANT MIND NUMBING banging and sawing and whatever the f&^$ else next door.
Also I have been kind of sick since mother’s day. But off and on. And kind of, which is the worst b/c it’s always there but never a high enough priority to receive enough attention to be remedied. And I keep forgetting to buy 7-up for my upset stomach.
I got my hair trimmed on Monday. It needed it so, so, bad and I think I finally found someone I would gladly return to. That hasn’t happened in years and years and it always makes needing a haircut stressful and a big event if you don’t know where to go.
Ali is getting too big. I’ve basically began referring to her as a one-year-old in my head so I can get used to the idea that she’s not a baby anymore.
We’ve been working on standing but now she refuses and makes her legs go limp. So stubborn! But I’m okay with that, Her timing is alright, plus I’m just NOT READY for a walker.
Some pics that never got posted:
Ok, I’m off to make the most of the grey and dreary day. Or at least the naptime that Ali has blessed me with!
Ali is going through an organizing phase. It began when she started putting all her food in the cup holders on her high chair when she was done eating. And, if I didn’t take her out quick enough, then throwing the food on the floor. Then she discovered putting other items into things. Like, blocks in a bucket. And them taking them out. This is (well, kind of was as this new trait is now a few weeks old) our first glimpse of just how methodical this child can be.
Following this realization was "offering." Her constantly offering us whatever she has; food, toy, random bit picked up off the ground. In this video she is helping to BUILD towers. Which was so huge (it’s kind of old) because not only is she showing to giving skills and the understanding of task at hand but the delayed gratification involved. It’s crazy. She’s getting big (and smart!) so fast.
Today was a regression at first as far as Ali being sick. She was feverish all night but steadily improved throughout the day. She was such a little sleeper though! Slept in until 9am, napped like 11-12, then again from just before 1pm to almost two-thirty. And again at 5pm! And then bed around 8pm. Soooo, I hope she will be raring to go tomorrow. And me too. I can’t tell if I’m a little sick of just kind of following her into the black hole because of the extra care (and milk!) she’s required. We shall see I guess.
Saturday night we went to a house party in Wheeler. Ali was feeling feverish before and I gave her medicine (mind you, not enough). The tough part about this age is discerning between being sick and just teething. Anyway, though she felt badly and was worn out already she looked cute and held up pretty well until 8:30, a good hour or so past her bedtime. Sunday was just so heartbreaking. Well, in the evening. The morning was nice and I’m going to do more on that later. From about three-thirty or so on, Ali mainly stayed on the boob, not really nursing but kind of hugging? She was so sweet but so, so struggly. She wouldn’t eat anything, wouldn’t even open her mouth for grape-flavored baby tylenol (which she usually loves). The rest I pretty much said before. Here is a picture of her pretty much at her worst. She wasn’t sleeping, just staring and panting.
And, yes, our internet has been restored! Rejoice!
Yesterday was the first time Ali was really affected by the going ons next door. She usually is awake in three hour increments. Awoke from morning nap at eleven (only down thirty minutes), so should have been sleepy again around two, maybe two-thirty. Went down close to three-thirty. The hammering (they’re working on the foundation…or something I’m no expert) was so loud we could hear it through the monitor. And she woke up after like half and hour. PISSED. It was a long night.
There have actually been a few long nights lately. Somehow I’ve spent the last three of them in Ali’s room. I keep meaning to get on top of the whole sleep in you own bed for most of the night thing. Followed by sleeping THROUGH the night. But she wakes and I take her out to nurse and then we’re both asleep. And she keeps waking before seven. This morning though she randomly feel asleep before I thought she was even tired, like 8:45am. On me. So I just left her like that. It was pouring outside, like really hard, cold, nasty rain. So I just lay on the couch and watched Monday’s episode of Gossip Girl. And that was very nice. It’s like there’s a time and a place for sleeping on top of someone. And 3am ain’t it!
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